


Just Might Find 12

by helens78, Telesilla



Series: Just Might Find [16]
Category: Equilibrium (2002) RPF, Highlander RPF
Genre: BDSM, Dom/sub, Emails, Kink, M/M, Masochism, Sadism, The Establishment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-15
Updated: 2005-12-15
Packaged: 2017-10-05 18:16:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/44645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helens78/pseuds/helens78, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Telesilla/pseuds/Telesilla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sean catches up with a friend, and Bill and Sean hash out details of their contract over email.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Might Find 12

The phone rings three times before Valentine can fish it out of his pocket. "Hello, yes?" he asks.

"Hello, Leeds, it's Sheffield."

"Sean, how are you?"

"Not bad. How are you?" He pauses. "I heard about your slave moving out..."

Valentine grunts and shakes his head. "It's over."

"The contract?"

"The whole thing. He's gone." Valentine's chest feels tight the way it always does when he has to admit a slave's gone. "It hurts. It'll get better."

"I'm sorry."

"So am I."

Sean shakes his head. "We're a pathetic pair right now, aren't we?" he asks, wincing as a wave of guilt hits. _Pathetic, eh, after last week? I don't think that's quite accurate._

"Yes, it does look that way." Valentine pauses. "Want to come over? We can drink cheap beer, talk footie, ignore our problems and be big strong tough guys together."

Sean snickers. "What kind of cheap beer do you like? I'll pick up a case."

~*~

It's seven beers later, or maybe eight, and Sean doesn't know where all the bottles are going. At least he's drunk now; it took three bottles and a sixty-second piss to even get him started.

"...doesn't want me," Valentine's saying, and Sean forces himself to pay attention. "I keep trying to figure out what it is or why and I'm bloody clueless. Still bloody clueless. I may never know."

"I had a contract last week," Sean announces, not sure why he's announcing it because it's not maudlin news. This is supposed to be about drowning mutual sorrows, not bragging. "We're going to pick up again in a few weeks, go for three months this time."

"Bloody good for you," Valentine, who is just a little too inebriated to be discreet, says. "If I'd known you were going to be single and I was going to be slaveless, I'd've asked myself."

"Yeah?" Sean asked, mildly interested despite himself. Valentine's a good top.

"Yeah, only you'd have bloody exhausted me."

_Humph,_ Sean thinks, but what he says is, "That's three curses in two minutes, Val. Think you've had enough beer?"

"Why does everyone always worry about me if I start cursing?" Valentine protests. "My slave left me. We had a _fucking_ lifetime contract and he _fucking_ left me and I may _fucking_ well have been in love with him which is _fucking_ unusual for me. I think I'm fucking allowed to fucking curse for a bit."

"Wow," Sean says. "You have had enough beer."

"Fuck off," Valentine mumbles. He climbs up on the couch, scoots up onto one end, and rests his head on the armrest, looking up at the ceiling. That looks fairly comfortable to Sean, who mirrors the position on the other end of the couch. It means getting his legs tangled up with Valentine's, but that's actually fairly comfortable as well. Valentine tugs the blanket down from the back of the couch and covers both of them with it.

Sean sighs. "You know the worst thing about getting divorced this time," he says, "is all the people who thought David was a rebound to begin with."

"Was he?" Valentine asks.

"I used to say no. I got fucking pissed off at Pierce for saying so--"

"Oh, for the love of God, not bloody fucking goddamned Pierce motherfucking Brosnan again."

Sean half-sits and stares across the couch. "That was vehement -- you don't like Pierce?"

"He got my slave drunk at the Oscars," Valentine mumbles, blushing; it _was_ vehement, more than it should have been. He'll blame it on the beer.

Sean's trying to remember the Oscars now; he doesn't recall Valentine's slave being at them, and Pierce... "Pierce was with Peter at the Oscars," he says, confused. "He had a raw throat."

"Probably had it fucked that way before the show started. And to think he's supposed to be a top..."

"He was _my_ top for two years," Sean says.

This time Valentine's the one sitting up to stare. "You were under contract?"

"Lovers," Sean says, "and then I fucked it up. I fell in love with someone else."

"Ah." Valentine nods. "It happens sometimes. You sign the contract over and let him go."

Sean kicks Valentine in the thigh. "You bloody shouldn't."

"Ow! What was that for?"

"You bloody ought to fight. Not just give your lad away without telling him first. I _wanted_ to stay. I'd have got over her. I wanted Pierce."

"You're a walking relationship disaster, you know that?" Valentine asks. "You, what, four marriages plus Pierce?"

"Plus Liam," Sean mutters. "Don't forget Liam."

"Liam -- Neeson?" Valentine asks. His face brightens. "Liam's wonderful. We fooled around once. Decades back. Doubt he'd remember me."

"Liam was my boy once," Sean says, sounding a little wistful.

"Jesus," Valentine says, eyes bulging. "You weren't joking when you said you switch."

Sean snickers. "Yeah," he admits, "but I fucked that one up, too. Didn't tell him I loved him until years after the fact. And now he's got a boy and a girl and a baby coming. I'm bloody happy for him." He sighs, rubs at his face. "I'm a bloody idiot. Pierce, Liam, Viggo, David -- if I could have any one of them back it'd be Liam. Been half in love with Carrie-Anne for most of forever and had the world's biggest schoolboy fucking crush on Jason once, but you're right, you know. I'm a bloody relationship disaster and they're all better off without me."

Valentine returns Sean's earlier kick in the thigh. "You spend too much time in the past," he says. "Maybe you shouldn't be looking for relationships at all. What about that contract? Or is that a relationship, too?"

"No, no, that's just a contract."

"Was it good?"

"Oh, God, _so_ fucking good," Sean moans. "He was brilliant. Hurt me like a dream, got me down without needing me back up, gave me a place to go under and feel safe." _I can't fucking wait until June,_ Sean thinks, but it's too early to be thinking that, so he stays quiet. He glances down at the blanket, looking for a quick conversation change. "This is nice. Handknit?"

"My sister."

"Looks like seed stitch and cables. Must have taken bloody forever."

Valentine stares. "Don't tell me you knit..."

"I don't," Sean says quickly, "but Pierce does."

Valentine nearly chokes and then starts laughing. "Oh, fuck. Oh, God. Pierce -- _ahahahaha_. Oh, God." He's definitely still drunk; it isn't really _this_ funny, he just can't help himself. "Pierce Brosnan -- knitting needles -- _hahaha_..."

"You want a challenge while you're subbing, try being tied down and blindfolded while your dom works on lace."

"_Lace_\--!"

"It's not funny!" Sean protests. "He said if I made him drop a stitch or blow a repeat he wouldn't let me come for a week."

Valentine's in hysterics now. "Drop a stitch," he wheezes, "drop a stitch, oh God, oh God..."

Eventually Sean can't help it anymore; he starts laughing, too. By the time they're done laughing, Sean's settled down a great deal and is starting to think he could sleep this way. He ends up yawning.

"Listen -- tired -- drunk -- you mind if I stay the night?" Sean asks.

"No, you can stay," Valentine murmurs. "Want to go to bed?"

"This is fine," Sean says. "Couch is nice. I snore."

"So do I," Valentine admits. "I won't mind if you don't."

"That's fine." Sean snuggles in under the blanket. "I'm sorry about your slave, Val."

"Thank you," Valentine whispers. "I'm sorry about David."

"Thank you." And, mercifully, neither man ends up blinking back tears.

~*~*~

To: bill.fichtner@establishment.rpg  
From: sean.bean@establishment.rpg  
Subject: Fidget

Master,

I wish someone would tell cats they don't need to wake you up at 3am by POUNCING ON YOUR FUCKING HEAD. I've tried to mention this to Fidget but she's not listening. She's also sitting on the monitor... no, now it's my lap... no, now it's the L&lt;M./km,yuutrdtrdzscdx

Keyboard, apparently.

Back to the monitor.

Fidget says hello, by the way.

Fidget's my cat, she's a year and a half old, and she has a habit of sleeping on heads. She takes well to being shut out of the room for kink, though. Tends to give us all dismissive looks and head off if someone's getting fucked and doesn't get bothered when I'm screaming. Some attack cat she'd make. But then I guess it's just as well. Imagine getting pounced by an outraged kitten whenever you want to beat me. That would suck, as my girls would say. Why do people say that, anyway, that if something's bad it sucks? Sucking is a good thing. A very good thing. It's too bad you're not here right now. Fuck, I'd love to be giving you a blowjob.

Where was I... Fidget. Right, I was wondering, what do you think of cats? Should I see if the girls and Mel would be willing to take her in, and just see her as I can? They've declared a truce, more or less. I really thought Fidget would go for Mel's spleen the first time they were introduced. But then after our week together I picked Fidget up and she actually rubbed up against Mel's leg before leaving. Maybe Mel's not tearing me a new arsehole every time she gets a chance. I don't think Fidget would take well to that. Then again, Fidget does more or less get along fine with all the exes. Mel and Viggo and David and Pierce. She's not really a cat to hold a grudge, which is better than I can say for me. I bet she'd love Liam, too. Not that I have a grudge against Liam. I'm not making any sense at all right now. It's three in the morning and I just woke up. Sorry...!

I really don't remember what I was thinking about when I first got started writing this. In fact, I don't think I know what this email is about anymore. Um. Now all I can think about is giving you a blowjob, which is going to make it very hard (ha!) to go back to sleep. But blowjobs are so much fun. I mean, fuck, I love cock. I love being on my knees and getting choked with it and I love being on my back and having my mouth fucked and I love getting come all over my face and I love those noises guys make when you're blowing them. I like being handcuffed and blindfolded and knocked around before having to blow someone, too. That's fun.

It would be really fucking rude of me to call and beg permission to get myself off right now, wouldn't it. Shit. I'm going to go back to bed and rub up against the covers 'til I scream. :)

Have a good night, master.

\--Sean

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

To: sean.bean@establishment.rpg  
From: bill.fichtner@establishment.rpg  
Subject: RE: Fidget

Boy,

&gt; I wish someone would tell cats they don't need to wake you up at 3am  
&gt; by POUNCING ON YOUR FUCKING HEAD. I've tried to mention this to  
&gt; Fidget but she's not listening. She's also sitting on the monitor...  
&gt; no, now it's my lap... no, now it's the L&lt;M./km,yuutrdtrdzscdx  
&gt;  
&gt; Keyboard, apparently.  
&gt;  
&gt; Back to the monitor.  
&gt;  
&gt; Fidget says hello, by the way.

The idea that anyone could tell cats anything and think that the cat is going to pay the least bit of attention is ridiculous. At the very least, it's wishful thinking.

And hello to Fidget.

&gt; Fidget's my cat, she's a year and a half old, and she has a habit of  
&gt; sleeping on heads. She takes well to being shut out of the room for  
&gt; kink, though. Tends to give us all dismissive looks and head off if  
&gt; someone's getting fucked and doesn't get bothered when I'm screaming.

Cats are so amazingly blase about kink. Dogs get all worried and tend to fret when they hear yelling but cats only care because you aren't paying attention to them. I like them for their ability to put even the most selfish of tops firmly in his place.

&gt; Some attack cat she'd make. But then I guess it's just as well.  
&gt; Imagine getting pounced by an outraged kitten whenever you want to  
&gt; beat me. That would suck, as my girls would say. Why do people say  
&gt; that, anyway, that if something's bad it sucks? Sucking is a good  
&gt; thing. A very good thing. It's too bad you're not here right now.  
&gt; Fuck, I'd love to be giving you a blowjob.

You have a one track mind, boy. Good thing it's a track I like.

&gt; Where was I... Fidget. Right, I was wondering, what do you think of  
&gt; cats? Should I see if the girls and Mel would be willing to take her  
&gt; in, and just see her as I can?

Provided she likes me, I see no reason for you to not bring her with you. Unless you think yet another new place might be a bit much for her. I'll leave it up to you, but rest assured, she's welcome here.

&gt; Mel and  
&gt; Viggo and David and Pierce. She's not really a cat to hold a grudge,  
&gt; which is better than I can say for me.

Do you hold grudges? I've been careful not to ask. Your divorce isn't really any of my business, but I do find myself wondering how you and David are with one another these days.

&gt; I bet she'd love Liam, too.  
&gt; Not that I have a grudge against Liam. I'm not making any sense at  
&gt; all right now. It's three in the morning and I just woke up.  
&gt; Sorry...!

I'm glad you don't have issues with Liam. He's a good man, and I'm on very friendly terms with Jason. Also Carrie-Anne is one of the few women I've met who seems to understand the cultural rules that go with being Old Guard. So all in all, how do you feel about seeing them socially while you're with me?

More than socially in Liam and Jason's case?

&gt; Now all I can think about is giving you a  
&gt; blowjob, which is going to make it very hard (ha!) to go back to  
&gt; sleep. But blowjobs are so much fun. I mean, fuck, I love cock. I  
&gt; love being on my knees and getting choked with it and I love being on  
&gt; my back and having my mouth fucked and I love getting come all over my  
&gt; face and I love those noises guys make when you're blowing them. I  
&gt; like being handcuffed and blindfolded and knocked around before having  
&gt; to blow someone, too. That's fun.

Someday I intend to put you on a bed or bondage table that's just the right height. I'll have you on your back with your head over the edge so that I can step right up and just fuck your mouth as hard as I like. I like the slightly panicked sound of a boy as he fights to suck cock and breathe and I like the feel of that angle.

&gt; It would be really fucking rude of me to call and beg permission to  
&gt; get myself off right now, wouldn't it. Shit. I'm going to go back to  
&gt; bed and rub up against the covers 'til I scream. :)

You're a good boy for not calling. As a reward, I want you to think about that scenario I wrote above and imagine yourself in that position. And then I want you to bring yourself off and then lick it off the floor and your hands.

&gt; Have a good night, master.

And you have a good day, boy.

Bill

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

To: bill.fichtner@establishment.rpg  
From: sean.bean@establishment.rpg  
Subject: RE: Fidget

Master,

Oh, God. I'm so sorry for the way that email came out. I was half asleep. And now I'm *so* embarrassed. Um. Can't really say that I don't think about blowing you that much, though, because I do. Especially lately, Christ.

&gt; The idea that anyone could tell cats anything and think that the cat  
&gt; is going to pay the least bit of attention is ridiculous. At the very  
&gt; least, it's wishful thinking.

I used to think I could have meaningful conversations with her and she'd listen. Turns out she only pretends to listen to lull me into a false sense of security and then *boom* she's back sleeping on my head.

&gt; And hello to Fidget.

I passed that on. She looks curious, but she might just be wondering when I'm going to feed her next.

&gt; Cats are so amazingly blase about kink. Dogs get all worried and tend  
&gt; to fret when they hear yelling but cats only care because you aren't  
&gt; paying attention to them. I like them for their ability to put even  
&gt; the most selfish of tops firmly in his place.

I'd never thought of that. :) I like it, though.

&gt; &gt; Fuck, I'd love to be giving you a blowjob.  
&gt;  
&gt; You have a one track mind, boy. Good thing it's a track I like.

Oops. Well... if you like it, master, then not "oops", but... I can't believe I wrote to ask about Fidget and rambled for two paragraphs about sucking cock. Goes to show what I care most about when you cut to the heart of it, doesn't it?

&gt; Provided she likes me, I see no reason for you to not bring her with  
&gt; you. Unless you think yet another new place might be a bit much for  
&gt; her. I'll leave it up to you, but rest assured, she's welcome here.

I think if she doesn't see me packing boxes she'll be fine. It's boxes she tends to dislike (read: claw at, piss on, etc.), but new places never bother her for long.

We might want to have old sheets on the bed at first, though, and if you've got rugs we might want to keep them rolled up for a bit. Also, she's not declawed; don't know if that matters to you, but she's very good about her claws unless she's nervous. I have things for her to scratch at, and Viggo sent me these things called Claw Caps, but they're a bitch to put on, so I usually don't bother. But if you'd like, we can try it.

&gt; Do you hold grudges? I've been careful not to ask. Your divorce  
&gt; isn't really any of my business, but I do find myself wondering how  
&gt; you and David are with one another these days.

Not really talking. Maybe that's just as well. We fought very hard the last several weeks, and walked away from things not very happy.

He moved in with his other lover this past week. Wrote me direct so I wouldn't hear it from anyone else. I wasn't really surprised. I'm more surprised it took so long, to be honest.

Normally I don't hold grudges, but I also don't have very close relationships with any of my exes. I never talk to Debra; Mel and I are just now getting on better terms because of the girls; I did hold a grudge against Pierce for several years, which has calmed down some in the last couple of years; Liam and I have had a rocky relationship forever but that's gotten much better recently; I never talk to Viggo; then there's David. And Harry. Christ.

I'm half tempted to delete all that because dear God but I have more history than I realized. And I don't know what the answer to the question is after all that. I don't hold onto grudges if someone's trying to make peace with me, but I don't go out of my way to interact with most of my exes. I think Liam's the only exception to that.

&gt; I'm glad you don't have issues with Liam. He's a good man, and I'm on  
&gt; very friendly terms with Jason. Also Carrie-Anne is one of the few  
&gt; women I've met who seems to understand the cultural rules that go with  
&gt; being Old Guard. So all in all, how do you feel about seeing them  
&gt; socially while you're with me?

I'd love to. And they've got the baby coming and I'm sure once they're settled in they'll need babysitters. I'd love to offer. I actually am quite good with kids, although Mel punched me in the arm when it turned out Molly's first words were, um, picked up during a Blades match I was listening to on the radio (we were losing).

I adore Carrie-Anne, always have. Had the biggest bloody crush on Jason in the world a couple years back, though we don't talk much anymore, which is a shame, really. And Liam and I are getting along better now than we have in years, which is really nice.

&gt; More than socially in Liam and Jason's case?

Yes please Master.

&gt; Someday I intend to put you on a bed or bondage table that's just the  
&gt; right height. I'll have you on your back with your head over the edge  
&gt; so that I can step right up and just fuck your mouth as hard as I  
&gt; like. I like the slightly panicked sound of a boy as he fights to  
&gt; suck cock and breathe and I like the feel of that angle.

Oh dear Christ. These jeans are freshly washed, so they were already too tight...

&gt; You're a good boy for not calling. As a reward, I want you to think  
&gt; about that scenario I wrote above and imagine yourself in that  
&gt; position. And then I want you to bring yourself off and then lick it  
&gt; off the floor and your hands.

Oh God oh God. Yes, Master. God. Thank you, Master.

\--Sean

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

To: sean.bean@establishment.rpg  
From: bill.fichtner@establishment.rpg  
Subject: RE: Fidget

&gt; Oh, God. I'm so sorry for the way that email came out. I was half  
&gt; asleep. And now I'm *so* embarrassed. Um. Can't really say that I  
&gt; don't think about blowing you that much, though, because I do.  
&gt; Especially lately, Christ.

I'm sorry if anything you said in the email embarrassed you. Believe me, it made my morning better so I certainly don't mind.

&gt; &gt; And hello to Fidget.  
&gt;  
&gt; I passed that on. She looks curious, but she might just be wondering  
&gt; when I'm going to feed her next.

I would bet real money on it being the latter.

&gt; &gt; I like them for their ability to put even  
&gt; &gt; the most selfish of tops firmly in his place.  
&gt;  
&gt; I'd never thought of that. :) I like it, though.

Are you thinking I need to be put in my place, boy? No, don't answer that, I don't like to put a boy in a place where there is no right answer. Well, unless it's an interrogation scene.

&gt; Oops. Well... if you like it, master, then not "oops", but... I can't  
&gt; believe I wrote to ask about Fidget and rambled for two paragraphs  
&gt; about sucking cock. Goes to show what I care most about when you cut  
&gt; to the heart of it, doesn't it?

Feel free to ramble about sucking cock anytime you email me. You could also try rambling about getting fucked.

&gt; I think if she doesn't see me packing boxes she'll be fine. It's  
&gt; boxes she tends to dislike (read: claw at, piss on, etc.), but new  
&gt; places never bother her for long.

Well, that's good, then. You might want to check with Mel in case for some reason she doesn't want to be here. Fidget, that is, not Mel.

&gt; We might want to have old sheets on the bed at first, though, and if  
&gt; you've got rugs we might want to keep them rolled up for a bit. Also,  
&gt; she's not declawed; don't know if that matters to you, but she's very  
&gt; good about her claws unless she's nervous. I have things for her to  
&gt; scratch at, and Viggo sent me these things called Claw Caps, but  
&gt; they're a bitch to put on, so I usually don't bother. But if you'd  
&gt; like, we can try it.

Good point about the rugs; I've got a few Persian and Turkish carpets I'm fond of; we can keep them rolled until she's settled. I object to declawing cats and as long as she's not going wild on the furniture, we should be OK. Anything you actually have to put on the cat sounds like more work than it's worth. Although trust Viggo to find with a humane way to deal with the claw problem.

 

&gt; &gt; Do you hold grudges? I've been careful not to ask. Your divorce  
&gt; &gt; isn't really any of my business, but I do find myself wondering how  
&gt; &gt; you and David are with one another these days.  
&gt;  
&gt; Not really talking. Maybe that's just as well. We fought very hard  
&gt; the last several weeks, and walked away from things not very happy.

That's an unfortunate situation. I do need to ask one thing. What are your reasons for still wearing his ring? I'm not going to tell you flat out that you can't wear it while you're under contract with me, but I think I've come to a point where I need to know why.

&gt; He moved in with his other lover this past week. Wrote me direct so I  
&gt; wouldn't hear it from anyone else. I wasn't really surprised.  
&gt; I'm more surprised it took so long, to be honest.

Is the other lover the reason you have issues with sharing right now?

&gt; Normally I don't hold grudges, but I also don't have very close  
&gt; relationships with any of my exes. I never talk to Debra; Mel and I  
&gt; are just now getting on better terms because of the girls; I did hold  
&gt; a grudge against Pierce for several years, which has calmed down some  
&gt; in the last couple of years; Liam and I have had a rocky relationship  
&gt; forever but that's gotten much better recently; I never talk to Viggo;  
&gt; then there's David. And Harry. Christ.

Sounds complicated. I don't have any real issues with any of your exes who are in the Est. The business being what it is, I've actually worked with two of them (Viggo and David) but no real sparks one way or another there. To be honest, I'm surprised you were with David. While Viggo's obviously a little wild and twisted, David always struck me as being quite vanilla.

Harry? I'm assuming you mean Harry Sinclair? Don't know him at all. I understand he's active in LA, was he part of your recent circle of lovers there?

Sorry if I'm coming across as involving myself in your business. I feel like I should know the kinds of baggage you're bringing into this.

To be fair, I should explain that almost all of my relationships for the past ... fuck, 20 years, have been contracts. I'm sure a shrink would bring up commitment issues or some kind of bullshit like that, but the fact is that I've found something that works for me. Sometimes I stay in touch, sometimes I don't, but you needn't worry about any of them aside from Terry, my one actual block purchased slave (these days, he's a lawyer working in the Est corporate offices) showing up in my life. And Terry and I are mostly sounding boards for each other, it's unlikely that you'll ever meet, though you may end up taking calls from him or something.

&gt; I'm half tempted to delete all that because dear God but I have more  
&gt; history than I realized. And I don't know what the answer to the  
&gt; question is after all that. I don't hold onto grudges if someone's  
&gt; trying to make peace with me, but I don't go out of my way to interact  
&gt; with most of my exes. I think Liam's the only exception to that.

I'd be surprised if you didn't have history. It's hard to be our ages and not have baggage. I certainly don't hold it against you.

&gt; &gt; So all in all, how do you feel about seeing them  
&gt; &gt; socially while you're with me?  
&gt;  
&gt; I'd love to. And they've got the baby coming and I'm sure once  
&gt; they're settled in they'll need babysitters. I'd love to offer. I  
&gt; actually am quite good with kids, although Mel punched me in the arm  
&gt; when it turned out Molly's first words were, um, picked up during a  
&gt; Blades match I was listening to on the radio (we were losing).

Oh, that must have been funny. Knowing the way Jason (and for that matter Carrie-Anne) talks, I wouldn't be surprised if the baby's first words were something similar. Or something about Macs.

&gt; I adore Carrie-Anne, always have. Had the biggest bloody crush on  
&gt; Jason in the world a couple years back, though we don't talk much  
&gt; anymore, which is a shame, really. And Liam and I are getting along  
&gt; better now than we have in years, which is really nice.

Last time I saw Liam, he was utterly fucking smug, and really, who can blame him? I can understand the interest in Jason. He told me that almost everyone he knew was surprised when he joined the Establishment and got involved with Liam. Wish I'd made book on it back while we were shooting BHD; I'd figured him for curious about both men and kink back when we first met. I tend to stay away from being a straight boy's first kinky gay experience, particularly straight boys who have serious relationships with women, or I'd have shoved him against a wall back then.

&gt; Yes please Master.

I'll talk to Liam sometime after their lives have calmed down. Of course that might be 18 or 20 years from now.

&gt; Oh dear Christ. These jeans are freshly washed, so they were already  
&gt; too tight...

Who needs a chastity device when you have snug jeans? Speaking of chastity devices, what's your feeling about them?

&gt; Oh God oh God. Yes, Master. God. Thank you, Master.

So did you?

Take care, boy.

Bill

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

To: bill.fichtner@establishment.rpg  
From: sean.bean@establishment.rpg  
Subject: RE: Fidget

Master,

&gt; I'm sorry if anything you said in the email embarrassed you. Believe  
&gt; me, it made my morning better so I certainly don't mind.

I'm glad. More than anything, me surprising myself by not thinking at all before I sent something embarrassed me. I expect to let my guard down with you, but I expect to be prepared for it.

&gt; Are you thinking I need to be put in my place, boy? No, don't answer  
&gt; that, I don't like to put a boy in a place where there is no right  
&gt; answer. Well unless it's an interrogation scene.

Definitely no right answer there. If it helps, I wasn't thinking of you (although I was thinking of other tops I've known who had more ego than skill).

&gt; Feel free to ramble about sucking cock anytime you email me. You  
&gt; could also try rambling about getting fucked.

I'll have to do that *g*

&gt; That's an unfortunate situation. I do need to ask one thing. What  
&gt; are your reasons for still wearing his ring? I'm not going to tell  
&gt; you flat out that you can't wear it while you're under contract with  
&gt; me, but I think I've come to a point where I need to know why.

It's a fair question. And you would have gotten a different answer if you'd asked a little earlier; I had a bad night a few days back and I gave it some thought then. Right now, it's still on because I don't want to take it off out of anger, out of regret or hurt. I don't want to close out my marriage wishing it had never happened. I'd like to be able to put it away because I've honestly moved past it, because I've let it go.

&gt; Is the other lover the reason you have issues with sharing right now?

Sort of. There was a whole complicated situation in Los Angeles with, God, I think seven of us. Seven of us counting me. I've never done something like that before, and it didn't work for me the way it seemed to work for everyone else. I felt second best with David. I felt more like sixth or seventh or maybe not on the list at all by the time things were through with Harry; I was never where I wanted to be with him.

I think it comes down to having been promised I was someone's primary or, in Harry's case, someone damned important to a man who "didn't rank lovers", but then feeling rather constantly as if I were being left behind or chosen last. I probably could have gotten more from both David and Harry if I'd asked for it, and I was too stubborn to ask; I felt, given what I'd been promised all along, I shouldn't have had to ask for more from either of them. It was fucking stupid of me, and stubborn, and I don't blame them for not giving me what I wanted, but in the end other lovers had their love and their passion, their attention and their time, and I didn't. And it would scare the hell out of me being in that position again, getting involved with someone who made a commitment to me and then expected the letter of the commitment to stand there in place of spending time together or deepening our connection.

And ugh, I sound like a girl, so enough of that and back to the blowjobs.

&gt; Sorry if I'm coming across as involving myself in your business. I  
&gt; feel like I should know the kinds of baggage you're bringing into  
&gt; this.

You should, and I don't mind you asking questions. If there's a question you ask that I'm not comfortable with, I'll tell you, but there shouldn't be many of those. Given what we're doing, I'd be worried if there were much I wouldn't be willing to talk to you about.

&gt; To be fair, I should explain that almost all of my relationships for  
&gt; the past ... fuck, 20 years, have been contracts. I'm sure a shrink  
&gt; would bring up commitment issues or some kind bullshit like that, but  
&gt; the fact is that I've found something that works for me.

I have a friend like that, actually, so it doesn't seem too strange to me.

&gt; I tend to stay away from being a straight  
&gt; boy's first kinky gay experience, particularly straight boys who have  
&gt; serious relationships with women, or I'd have shoved him against a  
&gt; wall back then.

That'll be wank material for the next week, or it would be if I were allowed to wank. ;)

&gt; I'll talk to Liam sometime after their lives have calmed down. Of  
&gt; course that might be 18 or 20 years from now.

You have to get out and do adult things sometimes or you go absolutely mental. I doubt it'd be too difficult to get some time alone with them, but probably not for a month or two at the very least. And then it'll be a fight to see who gets to babysit first. The kid's going to have a lot of gay uncles.

&gt; Who needs a chastity device when you have snug jeans? Speaking of  
&gt; chastity devices, what's your feeling about them?

Ha ha. Um, as for chastity devices, my general feeling is I'm fine with them. They don't make me want to drop to my knees and beg, but I like them fine, unless we're talking the kind of things that involve ball torture as well, which I don't care for much.

&gt; So did you?

All over my floor and the backs of my fingers, and it meant licking come off my skin and then bending my head to the floor and carefully licking streaks off of tile. Thank you, Master.

\--Sean

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

To: sean.bean@establishment.rpg  
From: bill.fichtner@establishment.rpg  
Subject: RE: Fidget

Boy,

 

&gt; I'm glad. More than anything, me surprising myself by not thinking at  
&gt; all before I sent something embarrassed me. I expect to let my guard  
&gt; down with you, but I expect to be prepared for it.

It means a great deal to me that you felt comfortable enough to let your guard down. At he risk of sounding a little over the top, I hope I never do anything to make you feel you need to be guarded around me.

&gt; Definitely no right answer there. If it helps, I wasn't thinking of  
&gt; you (although I was thinking of other tops I've known who had more ego  
&gt; than skill).

Good boy. I do occasionally get a little full of myself, but I try to maintain a sense of humor about the whole thing.

&gt; I'll have to do that *g*

Two paragraphs in the next email, boy.

&gt; It's a fair question. And you would have gotten a different answer if  
&gt; you'd asked a little earlier; I had a bad night a few days back and I  
&gt; gave it some thought then.

I'm sorry you had a bad night. When you're with me and you find yourself getting angry, I'm perfectly willing to either give you time by yourself or beat the hell out of you if it'll help.

&gt; Right now, it's still on because I don't  
&gt; want to take it off out of anger, out of regret or hurt. I don't want  
&gt; to close out my marriage wishing it had never happened. I'd like to  
&gt; be able to put it away because I've honestly moved past it, because  
&gt; I've let it go.

I understand that. Given that you feel that way about it, I don't mind you wearing it while you're under contract to me. I just want it understood that your commitment for that three months is to me.

&gt; Sort of. There was a whole complicated situation in Los Angeles with,  
&gt; God, I think seven of us. Seven of us counting me. I've never done  
&gt; something like that before, and it didn't work for me the way it  
&gt; seemed to work for everyone else. I felt second best with David. I  
&gt; felt more like sixth or seventh or maybe not on the list at all by  
&gt; the time things were through with Harry; I was never where I wanted  
&gt; to be with him.

I think I understand what you're saying here. I've got a question, and this is something you don't have to answer if you don't want to. Is it important for you to be first in a person's life? Or to be the only? Or is it simply that you need to know where you stand with a person? I'm speaking more in general terms; right now you've said you wanted monogamy and I'm perfectly OK with that.

&gt; I think it comes down to having been promised I was someone's primary  
&gt; or, in Harry's case, someone damned important to a man who "didn't  
&gt; rank lovers", but then feeling rather constantly as if I were being  
&gt; left behind or chosen last. I probably could have gotten more from  
&gt; both David and Harry if I'd asked for it, and I was too stubborn to  
&gt; ask; I felt, given what I'd been promised all along, I shouldn't have  
&gt; had to ask for more from either of them.

If there is something you need from me during our time, something you feel you're not getting, I honestly do want to know. I can be a little dense at times, something about being a guy, I guess. However, I do promise you that I will give you my attention and my affection and the place in my life we both want you to have.

&gt; It was fucking stupid of me,  
&gt; and stubborn, and I don't blame them for not giving me what I wanted,  
&gt; but in the end other lovers had their love and their passion, their  
&gt; attention and their time, and I didn't. And it would scare the hell  
&gt; out of me being in that position again, getting involved with someone  
&gt; who made a commitment to me and then expected the letter of the  
&gt; commitment to stand there in place of spending time together or  
&gt; deepening our connection.

Given that the letter of my commitment to you means spending most of our time together, rest assured that you'll have that. Obviously there will be mundane crap, agents and that sort of shit, but there won't be another boy in my life while you're with me. And no other lover.

&gt; And ugh, I sound like a girl, so enough of that and back to the blowjobs.

You know what drives me batshit about women? The way they make talking this stuff out so easy. Sometimes I'm convinced they're smarter than we are, other times I'm convinced that since we spend less time talking and more time fucking, we're the clever ones.

&gt; You should, and I don't mind you asking questions. If there's a  
&gt; question you ask that I'm not comfortable with, I'll tell you, but  
&gt; there shouldn't be many of those. Given what we're doing, I'd be  
&gt; worried if there were much I wouldn't be willing to talk to you about.

Thank you. That kind of trust and friendship is one of the best things a boy can give me.

&gt; I have a friend like that, actually, so it doesn't seem too strange to me.

Drives my sisters insane; they're always trying to set me up with some gay friend or other. And you can't exactly ask your older sister if this friend of hers likes taking a fist up his ass after a good flogging. Well, maybe some people can ask their older sisters that sort of thing; I sure as fuck can't.

&gt; That'll be wank material for the next week, or it would be if I were  
&gt; allowed to wank. ;)

You, wanking off to thoughts of me shoving Jason against a wall? Or is it wall sex in general, boy?

&gt; You have to get out and do adult things sometimes or you go absolutely  
&gt; mental. I doubt it'd be too difficult to get some time alone with  
&gt; them, but probably not for a month or two at the very least. And then  
&gt; it'll be a fight to see who gets to babysit first. The kid's going to  
&gt; have a lot of gay uncles.

She will indeed. Maybe you can help me come up with a suitable gift for both her and for Carrie-Anne. And I will talk to Liam shortly about working something out for later in the contract.

&gt; Ha ha. Um, as for chastity devices, my general feeling is I'm fine  
&gt; with them. They don't make me want to drop to my knees and beg, but I  
&gt; like them fine, unless we're talking the kind of things that involve  
&gt; ball torture as well, which I don't care for much.

Oh, now you've gone and made it a challenge, boy. I think I'll have to put you in one and then see if I can get you to drop to your knees and beg.

&gt; All over my floor and the backs of my fingers, and it meant licking  
&gt; come off my skin and then bending my head to the floor and carefully  
&gt; licking streaks off of tile. Thank you, Master.

Good boy. That's a visual I'll be smiling over for the rest of the day.

Is there anything you'd want for the fourth bedroom? Most of the time you'll be sleeping with me, but I'm going to get some furniture for that small bedroom downstairs so you'll have a place to go that's yours. The bigger bedroom that's attached to it is for the gym equipment unless you think you'll need more space.

Bill

/////////////////////////////////////////////////

To: bill.fichtner@establishment.rpg  
From: sean.bean@establishment.rpg  
Subject: RE: Fidget

Master,

On getting fucked:  
&gt; Two paragraphs in the next email, boy.

I've loved getting fucked since I was taking it on all fours in the grass out in the footie field well past dark. There's nothing like having a hard cock up your arse, and it's even better when the man behind you is growling at you and telling you what a slut you are. I used to go to dingy little pool halls to get fucked; on bad nights I'd take on a dozen in a row, or at least enough I lost count. Cock after cock driving into me until I could barely feel anything but the burn anymore. Worked every time on every bad mood; I always limped home feeling better.

Still love getting fucked. I love begging for it and blushing when I beg. I love getting fucked by toys when my master's dick needs a rest. I love getting cock when I'm not expecting it. I love being told to bend over a piece of furniture or being told to grab my ankles, I love getting pinned up against a wall and having my jeans pushed down to my thighs. I've been fucked over a motorcycle, which was brilliant. Love knowing how much my top likes fucking me and getting used -- who gives a damn if I'm getting touched; I want my top to know my body's there so he's got holes to fuck anytime he wants them. I like getting fucked on my back, too. It's good still being flexible enough to grab my ankles and get pounded into. I like being told to come sit on cock and fuck myself, to put on a show if my top's in the mood for it or just to work it if he's not. Love getting fucked, master.

&gt; I'm sorry you had a bad night. When you're with me and you find  
&gt; yourself getting angry, I'm perfectly willing to either give you time  
&gt; by yourself or beat the hell out of you if it'll help.

Thank you, master. Getting shoved over a table and getting fucked 'til I lose my voice from screaming does a lot of good when I'm having a bad night, I have to say.

On my wedding ring:  
&gt; I understand that. Given that you feel that way about it, I don't  
&gt; mind you wearing it while you're under contract to me. I just want it  
&gt; understood that your commitment for that three months is to me.

Absolutely. While I'm under contract to you, you're not going to get less than my full commitment. Quite honestly, that goes for now as well; we might be between "official" contracts, but I'm not fucking around with anyone and I'm not coming without permission and I wouldn't do anything to disappoint you or embarrass you if I could avoid it. I want you to be proud of me. I want you to be glad you have me. That's important.

&gt; I think I understand what you're saying here. I've got a question,  
&gt; and this is something you don't have to answer if you don't want to.  
&gt; Is it important for you to be first in a person's life? Or to be the  
&gt; only? Or is it simply that you need to know where you stand with a  
&gt; person? I'm speaking more in general terms, right now you've said you  
&gt; wanted monogamy and I'm perfectly OK with that.

I'm not sure I know myself well enough to know the answer to that question. I've spent a lot of time trying to be satisfied with and grateful for the situations I happen to be in, I've spent a lot of time chasing passion, clinging to contentment. I would have liked to have felt as if I were enough for any one of my lovers -- that I could ask them to give up the rest of their lovers and casual fuckbuddies and they wouldn't feel as if half their heart were missing from it --but I've never felt as if I had the right to ask. Can't really explain why not. Maybe I've been with the wrong men, or maybe I don't think I offer enough to make it worth it. I've never felt as secure in a relationship as I did with the one man who was, by nature, monogamous, but then I went and fucked that up myself, so God knows. I think in a lot of ways it's good that we're not concerning ourselves with the romantic shite, master, and I hope you don't mind my saying that. I'm fucking thrilled with what we're doing and where we're going and I want all of it down to the last inch of me. There's absolutely nothing I feel like we're missing.

&gt; If there is something you need from me during our time, something you  
&gt; feel you're not getting, I honestly do want to know. I can be a  
&gt; little dense at times, something about being a guy, I guess. However,  
&gt; I do promise you that I will give you my attention and my affection  
&gt; and the place in my life we both want you to have.

Thank you for that. I'm going to try to be better about this. I don't ever want you being surprised by something I ask for or something I need. I can't put a guarantee on that; there may be times I'm surprised, too. But you'll know anything that's important as soon as I know it myself.

&gt; You know what drives me batshit about women? The way they make  
&gt; talking this stuff out so easy. Sometimes I'm convinced they're  
&gt; smarter than we are, other times I'm convinced that since we spend  
&gt; less time talking and more time fucking, we're the clever ones.

I think most women would agree with you on the former and most men on the latter, master. :)

&gt; You, wanking off to thoughts of me shoving Jason against a wall? Or  
&gt; is it wall sex in general, boy?

Yes to the idea of you shoving Jason against a wall, particularly back when he had his head shaved for Black Hawk Down (for some reason, the idea of that makes me damn glad I'm only in tight jeans when it comes to a chastity device), but wall sex in general is nice, too.

&gt; She will indeed. Maybe you can help me come up with a suitable gift  
&gt; for both her and for Carrie-Anne.

Oh, God. I'm awful at presents, but I'll try. I had thoughts of sending a ["diaper set"](http://pictures.greatestjournal.com/userimg/4235975/354020), a ["bath set"](http://pictures.greatestjournal.com/userimg/4235978/354020), a [nifty-looking gymnarium thing](http://pictures.greatestjournal.com/userimg/4235987/354020) and a ["layette set"](http://pictures.greatestjournal.com/userimg/4235992/354020), along with a collection of Beatrix Potter bath books (always loved bath books when it was me and my girls; they're damn near indestructible and it's the only thing that kept my girls still for their baths) and a good deal of Dr. Seuss. Loved reading Dr. Seuss to my girls. I think I still have "Hop on Pop" memorized.

&gt; And I will talk to Liam shortly  
&gt; about working something out for later in the contract.

From babies to kink -- if it makes me blink, imagine how they're all doing. That sounds good, though, master, and thank you.

&gt; Oh now you've gone and made it a challenge boy. I think I'll have to  
&gt; put you in one and then see if I can get you to drop to your knees and  
&gt; beg.

o_O !!! I'm going to have to be careful about how I say things in the future. I'll be looking forward to this, master.

&gt; Is there anything you'd want for the fourth bedroom? Most of the time  
&gt; you'll be sleeping with me, but I'm going to get some furniture for  
&gt; that small bedroom downstairs so you'll have a place to go that's  
&gt; yours. The bigger bedroom that's attached to it is for the gym  
&gt; equipment unless you think you'll need more space.

I'd like to build some bookshelves, if you wouldn't mind it, and apart from that a bed and a bedside table for a lamp -- one with drawers I can keep my sketchbook in -- ought to be just fine. How do you feel about having potted plants around the house? I guarantee I can keep them alive.

\--Sean

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

To: sean.bean@establishment.rpg  
From: bill.fichtner@establishment.rpg  
Subject: RE: Fidget

 

Boy,

Since you were a good boy and gave me two very inspiring paragraphs on fucking, I'll be fair and do the same for you.

I've always loved fucking someone. I like it when I can take my time about it, when I can put a boy in heavy bondage and then prep him as slowly as is humanly possible. I love the way it feels to open a boy up, to slide one finger and then two and then three into him, always pausing to add more lube. I like to wait until he's begging, until he can hardly speak because he wants my cock so much. And then I like to give it to him slow, with a lot of lube, so that all he can feel is the slide of my cock in his ass. When I'm fucking someone like this, I want him to be so frustrated that he can't help crying, so needy and fucking hungry for it that he is sure he's going to die if I don't let him come.

Of course, there are also times when I want to slam a boy against a wall, use a nonlubed rubber, slick my cock with a little spit and then slam right in. At times like that, I want to hear the boy scream from the first stroke and go on screaming while I pound into him with no let up. This is best when it's my second hard on of the day, when I've come before, so I can keep going. It's even better if I can do this when the boy has been recently beaten. There's something about fucking a boy whose ass is welted and sore and you know that each time you shove into him, you're hurting him more. And it doesn't matter because he's your boy and you can use him any damn way you want; that's what he's there for.

&gt; Thank you, master. Getting shoved over a table and getting fucked  
&gt; 'til I lose my voice from screaming does a lot of good when I'm having  
&gt; a bad night, I have to say.

Oh, I think I can do that. Maybe even slam you around some first.

&gt; Absolutely. While I'm under contract to you, you're not going to get  
&gt; less than my full commitment. Quite honestly, that goes for now as  
&gt; well; we might be between "official" contracts, but I'm not fucking  
&gt; around with anyone and I'm not coming without permission and I  
&gt; wouldn't do anything to disappoint you or embarrass you if I could  
&gt; avoid it. I want you to be proud of me. I want you to be glad you  
&gt; have me. That's important.

I'm already proud of you; you were amazingly good during our week together and you've been even better while we set this contact up. So yes, I'm very glad to have you, even now when I don't have you officially.

&gt; I think in a lot of ways it's good that we're not concerning ourselves  
&gt; with the romantic shite, master, and I hope you don't mind my saying  
&gt; that. I'm fucking thrilled with what we're doing and where we're  
&gt; going and I want all of it down to the last inch of me. There's  
&gt; absolutely nothing I feel like we're missing.

I'm glad to hear you say that. I'm not cut out for the "romantic shite;" I've never understood how it all works. I want to say that it's something straight couples do, but I know plenty of gay men who manage it as well, if not better than the straight men I know. I dunno, maybe I missed out on the "romance gene."

&gt; But you'll know anything that's important as soon  
&gt; as I know it myself.

Thank you. I'll do my best to do the same for you.

&gt; &gt; You, wanking off to thoughts of me shoving Jason against a wall? Or  
&gt; &gt; is it wall sex in general, boy?  
&gt;  
&gt; Yes to the idea of you shoving Jason against a wall, particularly back  
&gt; when he had his head shaved for Black Hawk Down (for some reason, the  
&gt; idea of that makes me damn glad I'm only in tight jeans when it comes  
&gt; to a chastity device), but wall sex in general is nice, too.

I see I really am going to have to talk to Liam. Although I doubt that James Bond will be shaving his head anytime soon. Too bad, it was a good look on him.

&gt; Oh, God. I'm awful at presents, but I'll try.

I don't think you're awful at all; that's a lot better than I would have done. And I certainly wouldn't have thought of bath books.

&gt; From babies to kink -- if it makes me blink, imagine how they're all  
&gt; doing. That sounds good, though, master, and thank you.

Frankly, along with romance, I don't get parenting. I think I'm probably far too selfish.

&gt; o_O !!! I'm going to have to be careful about how I say things in the  
&gt; future. I'll be looking forward to this, master.

I like the way you say things just fine.

&gt; I'd like to build some bookshelves, if you wouldn't mind it, and apart  
&gt; from that a bed and a bedside table for a lamp -- one with drawers I  
&gt; can keep my sketchbook in -- ought to be just fine. How do you feel  
&gt; about having potted plants around the house? I guarantee I can keep  
&gt; them alive.

I'll go ahead and order the furniture and let you tell me what you need for bookshelves and the like once you've moved in. I'm also leaving the stocking of the kitchen up to you; I'll let you know what sort of food items I like to have on hand, but other than that, it's all yours.

Plants would be good, but make sure you'll be taking care of them; I'm terrible with them. There's not room for anything like a real garden, but you're welcome to do whatever you like with the patio and the area outside the front door.

Bill

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

To: bill.fichtner@establishment.rpg  
From: sean.bean@establishment.rpg  
Subject: RE: Fidget

Master,

&gt; Since you were a good boy and gave me two very inspiring paragraphs on  
&gt; fucking, I'll be fair and do the same for you.

Dear God. I'm whimpering now. Also, my eyes are crossing from being so hard.

&gt; When I'm fucking someone like this, I  
&gt; want him to be so frustrated that he can't help crying, so needy and  
&gt; fucking hungry for it that he is sure he's going to die if I don't let  
&gt; him come.

You could get me there in a heartbeat, which is one of the reasons I've so enjoyed being under you.

&gt; Of course, there are also times when I want to slam a boy against a  
&gt; wall, use a nonlubed rubber, slick my cock with a little spit and then  
&gt; slam right in.

Bloody hell. That sounds every bit as good, Master. Christ.

Are you fond of condoms or would you like to take care of the bloodwork and be able to go without the latex when we're at this again? I have no particular love of condoms and I'd love to have you fucking me raw.

&gt; I'm already proud of you; you were amazingly good during our week  
&gt; together and you've been even better while we set this contact up. So  
&gt; yes, I'm very glad to have you, even now when I don't have you  
&gt; officially.

Thank you, Master. That means a great deal to me.

&gt; I'm glad to hear you say that. I'm not cut out for the "romantic  
&gt; shite;" I've never understood how it all works. I want to say that  
&gt; it's something straight couples do, but I know plenty of gay men who  
&gt; manage it as well, if not better than the straight men I know. I  
&gt; dunno, maybe I missed out on the "romance gene."

I used to think I had some understanding of it, but after the last two years it's fairly clear I was kidding myself. It'll be a while before I'm looking for that kind of thing again.

&gt; Frankly, along with romance, I don't get parenting. I think I'm  
&gt; probably far too selfish.

Kids can be wonderful. And they can drive you fucking batty, and then there's the whole teenage girl thing... I'm glad I'm seeing mine more often these days, but I have a fair amount of relief at times from knowing it's Mel they turn to when boys are making them crazy or when they have a pimple at the wrong time. I'd be of no help whatever.

&gt; Plants would be good, but make sure you'll be taking care of them; I'm  
&gt; terrible with them. There's not room for anything like a real garden,  
&gt; but you're welcome to do whatever you like with the patio and the area  
&gt; outside the front door.

Thank you, Master. I'll be looking forward to it.

\--Sean

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

To: sean.bean@establishment.rpg  
From: bill.fichtner@establishment.rpg  
Subject: RE: Fidget

Boy,

&gt; Dear God. I'm whimpering now. Also, my eyes are crossing from being so hard.

Stop reading this email and jerk off until you're close to coming. And  
then do it again. And again. When you stop the third time, I want  
you to be desperate. I want you to be fucking aching.

Now you can go back to the email.

&gt; You could get me there in a heartbeat, which is one of the reasons  
&gt; I've so enjoyed being under you.

Well, at the risk of doing the mutual admiration thing, that's one of the reasons I enjoy having you. You go down so well for me.

&gt; Are you fond of condoms or would you like to take care of the  
&gt; bloodwork and be able to go without the latex when we're at this  
&gt; again? I have no particular love of condoms and I'd love to have you  
&gt; fucking me raw.

That's always a hard question to answer. Of course I want to go bare with you, God yes. But there's this kneejerk reaction that kicks in and I flinch when the subject is brought up. I'm fanatical, obsessive even, about getting tested. There are times when I don't know how in hell I'm still alive.

So, yes, please. Get tested. But I can't promise you when I'll be able to leave the rubbers on the nightstand. It's not you, let me make that clear. I just don't want to be making promises that I can't keep.

Re romance:

&gt; I used to think I had some understanding of it, but after the last two  
&gt; years it's fairly clear I was kidding myself. It'll be a while before  
&gt; I'm looking for that kind of thing again.

I think we understand each other fairly well then.

&gt; Kids can be wonderful. And they can drive you fucking batty, and then  
&gt; there's the whole teenage girl thing... I'm glad I'm seeing mine more  
&gt; often these days, but I have a fair amount of relief at times from  
&gt; knowing it's Mel they turn to when boys are making them crazy or when  
&gt; they have a pimple at the wrong time. I'd be of no help whatever.

You're still a braver man than I, trust me. But I can see it in you; I bet you're a pretty damn good dad.

Bill

PS. Come for me. Right now.

**Author's Note:**

> Every so often we'll be bringing out one of Sean or Bill's friends to guest-star. We have an NPC listing [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/44660), so you can see a little backstory on anyone whose name comes up that you might not recognize. Valentine is a friend of Sean's; they've scened together a few times, as well, but mostly it's a platonic friendly relationship.


End file.
